ninemsn sexuality bytes
Highlights from the new NineMSN site Sexuality Bytes 

"you should always use this information in consultation with a qualified medical practitioner", quickly followed by "NineMSN can not, and will not be held responsible for the accuracy of the information in the following pages" is what greets you on entry to this tribute to paranoia.  

"[Please also be aware that Dr Feelgood is no longer involved with providing information and advice on sex and sexual health on NineMSN, but she can still be found in all her other forums.]" 

now does this mean that 'Dr Feelgood' (is that his/her stage name?) is coming after them if they don't mention her/him?  

but wait, there's more!  

"By proceeding past this page, you:  
1.certify that you are 18 years or older;  
2.acknowledge that you have voluntarily chosen to enter the site at your own risk; and  
3.agree to be bound by the terms and conditions which apply to the use >of all NineMSN web sites."  

there is no way they're gonna know any of this so why bother? someone is making a lot of money writing this nonsense.  

Once inside you will find  

"petting and foreplay to childbirth to growing old, and everything in between."  

excuse me, but what has 'childbirth' got to do with sex? I know it's the *result* of sex but it's not actually sex *or sexuality, is it? I think this is just here to appease the mad polish priest or his tasmanian disciple.  

"And if you can't find the answer to your particular question in these pages, come and meet our experts at our weekly chat."  

Now this is a bit more like the Packervision we have come to know, and know. Money! Rope 'em in and milk 'em!  

"if you'd like to talk about your sexual desires in real-time visit The Bedroom, NineMSN dedicated adults-only chat room open 24 hours a day."  

this from the man who took doug mulray off because he was considered too much. 
"Sexuality Bytes has been independently researched by the Australian organisation NSW Family Planning and contains matter-of-fact detail about all aspects of sex and sexual health."  

all right, so now we introduce the people who did the actual work.  

Now prepare to laugh. I mean, this one is a real rip-snorter.  

"with no sensationalism or value judgements."  

Talk about priceless! that one's frameable!  

"Please contact us with any comments, ideas or suggestions you may have for the forum."  

and we will do what the fuck we want anyway. but because it's the late nineties and everyone is relaxed and comfortable in the lucky country, politeness is back in fashion.  

so what does it say about us?  

apparently, we are divided thus, in order;  

"Sexuality- Why do you feel this way?  
Heterosexuality - Opposites attract  
Homosexuality - When likes attract  
Bisexuality - Doubling the chances of sexual success  
Being Transexual/Being Transvestite - Not just expanding your wardrobe  
Variations in Sexual Behaviour -Fetishes, voyeurs, sadomasochists, etc  
Celibacy - Just say no"  

now, do I misread a *hierarchy in this?  

Apparently 'sexuality' is firstly concerned with 'prejudice'.  

"Until recently, society's intolerance towards anyone who was not of the sexual 'norm', caused many people to repress their real sexuality."  

but they see this as being entirely about repressing of gays? what about the changes to straight sexuality? must be too threatening for them to consider. we must remember that "sexuality is complex". after all -  

"One man might label himself straight, be turned on by women and not by men, but may enjoy wearing women's clothes and might also enjoy his >female partner stimulating him anally with a dildo. Most of those men who consider themselves gay have no interest in wearing women's clothes."  

this is the way they see the universe. there's a binary. straight and those dildo wielding transvestites. but no we're not going to break any of those vilification laws 'cause the lawyer said not to so here's another pathetic rider making someone somewhere some money.  

and just in case some of the potential market is not convinced into visiting kerry's sexy chat line -  

"Some gay and straight men do enjoy wearing women's clothes. Some lesbian women appear 'masculine', many others appear 'feminine'. Some men who are considered 'effeminate' are straight, others are not. Some men who look tough and 'manly' are gay, others are not. Some women enjoy sleeping with men or women or both sexes, as do some men."  

Now, am I getting paranoid or does the entire 'sexuality' section relate to homosexuality? In the 'sexuality - what am I?' section -  

"Many people have occasional erotic feelings for or dreams about people of the same sex - but their general disposition may be heterosexual."  

er, are straight people so obsessed with this - oh wise Family Planning Council in your nice white coats - that this is *first and foremost amongst the 'topics'? 

"Sometimes - because of pressure from our peers or society in general - sexual desires and feelings will be suppressed as we try to will ourselves to have other, 'normal' or more accepted sexual feelings."  

anyone would think they were promoting it!  

now this next problem is one i've had many an occasion to fret over -  

"Suppressed feelings can lead to anonymous sexual relations with a person of the same sex while maintaining a relationship with someone of the opposite sex."  

that is: let's not forget our 'core' audience here.  

"Understanding the differences and enjoying them, tolerating and acknowledging them in others and accepting them in ourselves, can be a major step in living a harmonious and fulfilling life."  

and let's tell them that they have to behave!  

and more stuff for heterosexual ugly people and those with attention-deficit disorder.  

cutting to the chase.  

They're still here!  

'"Homosexuals are people who are attracted to and prefer to have sex with people of their own sex -- men with men and women with women. (Of course, it's possible for two people of the same sex to love each other without being sexually attracted to each other, for example, without being homosexual.) " 

let's *still address our audience like it's straight!  

Here you will find - though - the only bit of truth in the whole site -  

"Society is sometimes obsessed with the idea of homosexual sex."  

to which I might add that some people are obsessed with a hell of a lot more than the *idea!  

oh god I'm such a cynic.  



here's how we're divided up by young Mr Packer:  

"What is Meant by Gay?  
What Percentage of the Population is Gay?  
Being a Lesbian?  
 {why is there a ? here?!@!^]  
Are Homosexuals Different from Straights?  
Do Homosexuals Molest Children?  
What is Homophobia?  
Do Homosexuals Marry People from the Opposite Sex?  
Can Homosexuals Have Monogamous Relationships?  
I Masturbated With a Friend at School - Does That Mean I'm Gay?  
Do Homosexuals Cause AIDS (HIV) & Do They Spread It?  
How Does Someone Become a Homosexual?  
What is Meant by the Closet?  
What is Meant By Coming Out?  
Being a Gay Man?  
Are Homosexuals Mentally Ill?  
Are Homosexuals 'sex obsessed'?"  
at which point comment becomes superfluous or rather i decend into something like speaklessness by the unbelievable affrontory of the whole thing ..

 Other writing
:|:Paul Canning's Box