Highlights from the new NineMSN site Sexuality Bytes
"you should always use this information in consultation with a qualified medical practitioner", quickly followed by "NineMSN can not, and will not be held responsible for the accuracy of the information in the following pages" is what greets you on entry to this tribute to paranoia.
"[Please also be aware that Dr
Feelgood is no longer involved with providing information and advice
on sex and sexual health on NineMSN, but she can still be found
in all her other forums.]"
now does this mean that 'Dr Feelgood'
(is that his/her stage name?) is coming after them if they don't
but wait, there's more!
"By proceeding past this page,
there is no way they're gonna know
any of this so why bother? someone is making a lot of money writing
Once inside you will find
"petting and foreplay to childbirth
to growing old, and everything in between."
excuse me, but what has 'childbirth'
got to do with sex? I know it's the *result* of sex but it's not
actually sex *or sexuality, is it? I think this is just here to
appease the mad polish priest or his tasmanian disciple.
"And if you can't find the answer
to your particular question in these pages, come and meet our experts
at our weekly chat."
Now this is a bit more like the
Packervision we have come to know, and know. Money! Rope 'em in
and milk 'em!
"if you'd like to talk about your
sexual desires in real-time visit The Bedroom, NineMSN dedicated
adults-only chat room open 24 hours a day."
this from the man who took doug
mulray off because he was considered too much.
all right, so now we introduce
the people who did the actual work.
Now prepare to laugh. I mean, this
one is a real rip-snorter.
"with no sensationalism or value
Talk about priceless! that one's
"Please contact us with any comments,
ideas or suggestions you may have for the forum."
and we will do what the fuck we
want anyway. but because it's the late nineties and everyone is
relaxed and comfortable in the lucky country, politeness is back
so what does it say about us?
apparently, we are divided thus,
"Sexuality- Why do you feel this
now, do I misread a *hierarchy
Apparently 'sexuality' is firstly
concerned with 'prejudice'.
"Until recently, society's intolerance
towards anyone who was not of the sexual 'norm', caused many people
to repress their real sexuality."
but they see this as being entirely
about repressing of gays? what about the changes to straight sexuality?
must be too threatening for them to consider. we must remember that
"sexuality is complex". after all -
"One man might label himself straight,
be turned on by women and not by men, but may enjoy wearing women's
clothes and might also enjoy his >female partner stimulating him
anally with a dildo. Most of those men who consider themselves gay
have no interest in wearing women's clothes."
this is the way they see the universe.
there's a binary. straight and those dildo wielding transvestites.
but no we're not going to break any of those vilification laws 'cause
the lawyer said not to so here's another pathetic rider making someone
somewhere some money.
and just in case some of the potential
market is not convinced into visiting kerry's sexy chat line -
"Some gay and straight men do enjoy
wearing women's clothes. Some lesbian women appear 'masculine',
many others appear 'feminine'. Some men who are considered 'effeminate'
are straight, others are not. Some men who look tough and 'manly'
are gay, others are not. Some women enjoy sleeping with men or women
or both sexes, as do some men."
Now, am I getting paranoid or does
the entire 'sexuality' section relate to homosexuality? In the 'sexuality
- what am I?' section -
"Many people have occasional erotic feelings for or dreams about people of the same sex - but their general disposition may be heterosexual."
er, are straight people so obsessed
with this - oh wise Family Planning Council in your nice white coats
- that this is *first and foremost amongst the 'topics'?
"Sometimes - because of pressure
from our peers or society in general - sexual desires and feelings
will be suppressed as we try to will ourselves to have other, 'normal'
or more accepted sexual feelings."
anyone would think they were promoting
now this next problem is one i've
had many an occasion to fret over -
"Suppressed feelings can lead to
anonymous sexual relations with a person of the same sex while maintaining
a relationship with someone of the opposite sex."
that is: let's not forget our 'core'
"Understanding the differences
and enjoying them, tolerating and acknowledging them in others and
accepting them in ourselves, can be a major step in living a harmonious
and fulfilling life."
and let's tell them that they have
and more stuff for heterosexual
ugly people and those with attention-deficit disorder.
cutting to the chase.
They're still here!
'"Homosexuals are people who are
attracted to and prefer to have sex with people of their own sex
-- men with men and women with women. (Of course, it's possible
for two people of the same sex to love each other without being
sexually attracted to each other, for example, without being homosexual.)
let's *still address our audience
like it's straight!
Here you will find - though - the
only bit of truth in the whole site -
"Society is sometimes obsessed
with the idea of homosexual sex."
to which I might add that some
people are obsessed with a hell of a lot more than the *idea!
oh god I'm such a cynic.
here's how we're divided up by
young Mr Packer:
"What is Meant by Gay?
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