On Saturday 12th September Pauline Pantsdown, the real mother of our Nation, launched her campaign for a Senate seat in NSW. She outlined her vision for Astraya including a Ten-Point Plan, and recommended putting One Nation last on ballot papers. Her newest chart-topping single "I Don't Like It" played away in the background. A major part of Pauline's campaign will be to cast out the Hanson-Howard Coalition. You can Vote 1 for bad dress sense without the bad smell of xenophobia and racism.

That's the question on everyone's badly-made-up lips! Hanson's lawyers told Judge Ambrose in the Brisbane Supreme Court that they were "making enquiries" as to Pantsdown's identity. All they had to go on was a video of Pantsdown's appearance on the Today Show, which they played in the courtroom. Our Pauline was resplendent in a beautiful red dress with big white buttons, surprisingly similar to one worn by the interviewer, Tracey Grimshaw. She told the national TV audience that "127% of the maynstream Astrayan public'll back me on this issue."

For the record, Ms. Pantsdown has yet to hear from Hanson's lawyers. "I've heard rumours that Hanson is goin' through all the Pantsdowns in the phone book" she says, "but we'll have to hope she's got the spelling right!"

In fact, Our Pauline finds it unusual that Hanson has had so much trouble tracking her down. "Doesn't she recognise her own sister?!", she exclaims. That's right, folks. Born Raelene Hanson in Ipswich, Queensland, our Pauline was so horrified by her elder sibling's racist, xenophobic statements that she changed her surname to PANTSDOWN. However, on the advice of her record company (Caring Potato Productions), she has gone on to change her first name to PAULINE in order to shamelessly cash in on the publicity.

"I see us a being, loik, a female version of (treasurer) Peter and (minister) Tim Costello", philosophises Pauline, "We've got completely opposite views on everything, but still share the same appalling hairstyle and fashion sense!"
 

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