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"If voted in, Pantsdown will try the backdoor into Parliament"
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8 October 1998 -  Homosexual Government: I'll run it my way, says Pantsdown 
 
 Seizing control ... Pauline Pantsdown dismisses Heather Pillock yesterday.  
  

Ms Pauline Pantsdown declared yesterday she would take control of the Government and "run it myself", moving the Parliament from Canberra to the Mardi Gras office in Newtown. 

This will diminish the influence of right wing loosers 0055 Nationalist Socialist David  and the money hungry David E, putting One Notion under investigation by a Royal Commission, particularly the party's newly elected ten-pound whingeing pom, Mrs Heather Pillock, and the anti-Queen campaign manager, Blue Peter. 

Speaking publicly for the first time since winning most of the seats in Parliament in Saturday's election, Ms Pantsdown agreed that No Notion's failure to win any Lower House seats signalled its demise. 

"No way in the wide world could that rabble be elected," she said. "Everyone's wanting to get behind me. My support, if anything, has risen ... I throw the largest parties in Astraya. Just look at the polling I received." 

Bystanders cheered Ms Pantsdown as she spoke outside the Ipswich Mardi Gras office she dedicated yesterday. "Good riddance to Pauline Hanson," one shouted. "Hopefully we've seen the last of her," said another. 

Earlier, Mr E, the corrupt No Notion's national director, suggested Ms Hanson would be dropped, and said there was no need for No Notion's headquarters anymore. 

Mr E had also suggested Ms Hanson would be paid a six-figure bribe to be the party's Führer. But Ms Pantsdown said "not a chance, no it is wrong and it stinks and it will not be discussed" and Mr E had no right to make the claim. 

She left no doubt of her wish for Astraya to become a Queens-based country, controlled by herself. "We have got a Strate executive here in the Queens' land and we want to get rid of that," she said. "I'll be looking at heading it here in the Queens' land and running it here in the Queens' land myself. David E will not have an office or a role in this country." 

Ms Pantsdown said "of course" she would have greater control of the parties. "Being an MP, it will lighten up my responsibilities and my ideas and I will be able to have more input into it." 

She  ridiculed 0055 Dave, saying he was responsible for her sucessful campaign. "David Oldfield did a very, very good job at making me look good, compared to his hopeless campaign. Thank god he was not my campaign director,  he had no input into my campaign personally." 

Ms Pantsdown said she would demand Mrs Pillock to vacate her Senate spot immediately. 

"I have always stood on the grounds I will stand for Queens, not whingeing poms." 

Overlooking the fact that sexual preferences elected 11 One Nation MPs in the Deep North election, Ms Pantsdown praised the sexual preferential system, saying it was responsible for her success and claiming that "of course" 127% of the electorate supported her. 

"I'm so happy when you consider the votes that I've received outright in the primary vote and I wasn't even on the Ballot papers," she said. 

"Well it just shows the voting system that we have in Austrata is very fair. [Fascist candidate] Cameron T is taking it up the seat on minus 17 per cent. He's got 183 per cent of the vote against him." 

(Mr T received minus 24 per cent of the primary vote; Mrs Pantsdown 137 per cent.) 

Mrs Pillock added that "the majority of people asked for Pauline Pantsdown to be their Member".  

Ms Pantsdown defended her pre-election prediction of a seat haul of between 12 and 15. "I thought we would but I wasn't quite prepared for the Backdoor sexual preferential system which gave me all the seats." 

She said she had not decided whether she need stand again for Parliament, adding the NSW election next March was a foregone conclusion. 

Mr E said he had no objection to No Notion moving to obscurity. 

"If Pauline wants to that, it's of no great consequence," he said. 

Mr E said he was not surprised at Ms Pantsdown's comments about removing Pauline Hanson as a paid Führer. "I thought that's what she would want."

 
 
4 October 1998 - Pauline Pantsdown chose to wear two new red tops on this day of crossroads for Astaya's future. As she entered the Polling booth to cast her own vote in the Federal Erection, Pauline Pantsdown exclaimed: "After the Erection there will be no Paulines or there will be two Paulines." 

The Fan Club had mixed feeling, but was not surprised, when Pauline Pantsdown announce at the 8:00am closing show at the 1998 Sleaze Ball  that Pauline Hanson had failed to gain any votes at all in her seat.  

The crowd who had waited patiently disco dancing, cheered, eleated by the fact that their fellow Astayans had comprehensively rejected the racist, divisive views of a small band of  foreign controlled right wing fringe dwellers.  

Clearly moved by the reaction of the loving, sharing, caring potatos, she continued: "This morning two Sleazes come to an end . . . Welcome to the future"  

It was obvious, the Sleazes she was talking about were the 1998 Sleaze Ball, and the Right Wing Lunatic standing in Astaya's Deep North Redneck seat of Blair, Mrs Hanson. 

One Nation rabble representation in the Parliament would be reduced to a ten-pound whingeing pom, who if, her immigration policy was in place, would not have been allowed into country in the first place. This country was swamped by ten-pound poms for far too long. They did not assimilate and they formed ghettos. They and their descendants have been responsible for most of the disease and the crime, particularly genocide, in this country. There are rumours that in the past they have eaten their own babies and at some time in their cultural past that they were persistant cannibals. 

 
 
 
 
 
The day had started early for Ms Pantsdown, with an early make-up call, knowing this day could signal an end to the expertly and thickly applied layers of colour that have carried her through the endless appearances and media scrums of the election campaign. 

"Yes, of course it was always going to be an easy fight. I am very relaxed and I feel confident." 

"The feedback I received as I moved around the booths has been very good. The booth workers are very confident." 

"Actually, it's going to be a very easy win on the primary vote, over 127% of Astrayans support my caring policies."  

There was no her nervousness about her own political survival, and Ms Pantsdown was beaming with confidence about the fate of the evil One Nation candidates. "They will win nothing, not a chance." 

She predicted that she could win as many as 15 seats in the Lower House, even though she was not standing, and six Senate seats, as voters are expected to write her name on Ballot papers .  

"My guess is 12 to 15 seats (in the Lower House) and six in the Senate."  

Ms Pantsdown  travelled to Fish Records, Toogoolawah for some late electioneering and a rodeo before hosting a small Sleaze party for her supporters in Moore Park. 

Huge crowds turned out at Fish records to hear Ms Pantsdown perform her latest number one single 'I don't like it', and the banned single 'I'm a Backdoor Man'. She amused her fans by talking about the recent court case, and the confusion over the words caring potato. She had chosed the words to fit the beat and the rhyme, but was informed by Hanson Lawers that a potato was someone who received anal sex! Gasps all round!  

Pantsdown called for questions from the masses gathered . The first came from someone who wanted to know what message Pauline Pantsdown had for the Greek Community 

"Go and see 'Head On', has some useful messages for the Greek community in this country" 

More questions were requested, but Ms Pantsdown reminded the gathering that if the questions were too difficult, she would call the police. 

No more questions were forthcoming 

She finished her in-store appearance by signing cd's, and making a call to give second preferences to Jason Yat Sen Li of Unity or to Aden Ridgeway from the Democrats. 
 
 

Ms Pantsdown returned to the familiar scare of the campaign. Keep 0055 Nationalist Socialist Dave out of the NSW Senate, or I will have to spend another 500 hours digitally editing his voice, and no-one will like that, no!

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 

She carried her message out onto Sydney's Oxford Street. 

"One Nation is going to fade away," she said. "I have woken a lot of Astrayans, informing them of what is actually happening in Astraya. Voters have discovered that Pauline Hanson had no concrete policies. What she has is a bag full of complaints and whinges, of simplistic and often very nasty complaints but no solutions for any of the problems she raises," she said.  

Recently Mrs Hanson proposed an overall flat taxation for Austraya, which economists dismissed as if "it might have come from the flat earth society". 

She made her way to the Polling Station at the National Arts School, where she made her now famous and most controversial statement to the thousands of supporters who had surrounded her: 

"After the Erection there will be no Paulines or there will be two Paulines." After casting her vote she was whisked off for more local and international media interviews.

As she arrived at the Sydney Showground last night where she had organised a small Sleaze Party for her friends and supporters, it was clear she hadn't watched the televised broadcast of the count.  

It wasn't until she was about to be interviewed that she asked journalists who was winning.  

As it became clear One Nation was struggling to win any seats, Ms Pantsdown admitted to being "in ecsacy".  

"I know, I know ... I'm in ecsatcy ... yes I am," she said.  

"The best thing about today is that David Oldfield will not be in Canberra,"  

"It must be very disappointing for Mrs Hanson, she is now blaming the other parties for the result, but the Astayan people could see through her flimsy, I-don't-like-it-policies. They worked against me, they took me to court, but now One Nation is well and truly stuffed,'' she said. ``I don't believe there is any support for One Nation ... never did. And they're going away, they're not going anywhere near Canberra.'' 

One Nation strategists were shell-shocked last night as they huddled around a computer to assess the result. 

 
 
 
 
 
 
Ms Pantsdown spent most of the evening discoing to Neil Diamond at the Sleeze Ball. She made a public appearance at 8:00am to close the Party. 

"This morning two Sleazes come to an end...Welcome to the future" 

She had just performed her number one hit single "I don't Like It" and announced the fall of Pauline Hanson to thunderous applause and whistles from the hundreds of thousands of queer and strate supporters who had turned up and waited for her appearance.  

The performance was in line with the total wierdness of the event. First on the stage was a enormous, life-like head of Pauline Hanson, rising up from the depth of Hell, it's menacing eyes and bad make-up scaring the many young Pantsdown supporters (it certainly scared the Fan Club). 

Our Pauline appeared, wearing yet another new top, a beautiful red sequined jacket, fit for a Queen. 

Appearing with her were two beautiful signers dressed in black with appropriate white gloves, and a bevy of red haired and red jacketed paulines. A glimpse into another reality, one which we will not be having to suffer. 

She delivered her latest number one hit, which climaxed with a loud explosion. Pauline Hanson's head had gone, exploded into a thousand small pieces.  

Poor Pauline Hanson, her language murdered, her shopping trolley murdered, her groceries just gone, and now her head just exploded and her seat gone as well. Some may say, good thing, too! And the Fan Club would agree. 

Welcome to the Future!

 
 
3 October 1998 - Its a busy day: The Federal Erection and the Mardi Gras Sleaze Ball, and Pauline Pantsdown has a starring role in both events. Events during the day include a grandstanding appearance at Fish Records. 

On the day of the very boring federal election and eve of the very flamboyant Sydney Sleaze Ball, Pauline Pantsdown will be making a very public appearance this Saturday 3rd October at 12.30pm at Fish Records, 33 Oxford Street Darlinghurst.  

Ms. Pantsdown will be signing copies of her current hit single I Dont Like It, which is presently number 1 on no less than three music charts, as well as performing the same, together with the infamous Im a Backdoor Man which was  successfully banned from airplay on the ABC network in a Brisbane court.    

The day will also include a round of visits to local polling booths, so remember: VOTE EARLY, VOTE OFTEN  - give Jason Yat Sen Li or Aden Ridgeway number 2, give David Oldfield 69, wash your mouth out afterwards. Number all the squares in between. 

The Fan Club will give a full report of this crossroads in the history of Astraya, after recovering from the 8:00am spectacular at Sleaze Ball 
 

Pantsdown and friend out soliciting your vote
Pauline and Friend 
out soliciting your vote
 
 
Pauline Does Oxford Street
Brad and Tanya
crowd wherever she goes
 
 
2 October 1998 - Pauline Pantsdown spent the day meeting, greeting and soliciting up and down Oxford Street in the last few hours of the 1998 election campaign. She has singlehandedly woken up Astrayans to the most important issues facing the country today.  

As has become usual on Pantsdown's appearances, thousands turned out to see her, causing traffic chaos as drivers stopped to cheer her on, calling out "Pauline, You're our Backdoor Man", "Drag Queens Speak for Me, Mother", and "I am a Caring Potato, too".  

She handed out her how to vote cards indicating her preferences for either Jason Yat Sen Li or Aden Ridgeway as her number 2. She asked all her supporters to put One Notion's 0055 David Oldfield last, the only time you could give him 69 and feel proud to be Astrayan. What a thought, spooky! 

Brad and Tanya from Adelaide sitting in the Stonewall, said meeting Pauline Pantsdwon was the highlight of their holiday in NSW, and they would be writing her name onto the South Astrayan Senate ballot paper.  

At the Californian she was mobbed by supporters wanting her autograph, on every part of the body imaginable. There will be some pecs going unwashed for weeks. 

All action stopped in the Backrooms, every Backdoor Man listened as she denounced the Hanson-Howard plan to add 50% GST on lube and condoms. "No, it's wrong and it stinks and I don't like it!" 

These are her people, the boys, the girls, the everything in between, they adore her. She is the focus of all their desires to see Astraya become a diverse, cosmopotitan society where individuals are respected for their inner beauty. She represents the formation of a caring and sharing society that has been missing in the two years since the right wing coalition usurped power with its many non-core, never-ever promises. 

She also took to the airwaves to denounce the corrupt, ignorant and racist policies of Pauline Hanson and her band of right wing fringe dwellers. "These people belong to the 1930's, and they don't like anything"

smiles, smiles, smiles
PP with the please explain media tour
 
 
1 October 1998 - Pauline Pantsdown announced her electoral preferences and her vision for an Astrayan republic to a massive crowd of over 500,000 youthful Resistance supporters in Sydney's Martin Place yesterday.  

In a rousing, contoversial speech she offered her support to the young people who rallied against racism and Pauline Puppetface Hanson and for the reality of multiculturalism. 

Suggesting all those involved in the rally were caring potatos, she continued: 

"Fellow Astrayans, those of you who vote, I ask you to support me in my quest to keep up the hideous makeup and dress sense standards that have been set in Federal Parliament. I want to show that you can have all of those things without the half-baked racist policies attached." 

"Please give your second preferences either to Jason Yat Sen Li of The Unity: Say No To Hanson party, because he's so damn good looking; or to Aden Ridgeway of the Democrats, because he looks so good in a suit. You have to fill in all 69 squares, but make sure you put Pauline Hanson's adviser David Oldfield last, or I'll have to spend another 500 hours re-editing his boring voice." 

Her speech was interrupted several times with loud cheers but the loudest and longest was reserved for her rendition a new National Anthem for all Astayans. 

". . . I'm a backdoor man, 
I'm very proud of it 
I'm a backdoor man,    
I'm homosexual    
I'm a backdoor man, yes I am,    
I'm very proud of it    
I'm a backdoor man,    
I'm homosexual . . ." 

The crowd went wild, jumping to their feet shouting support and grooving along with the dance beat. 

Pauline Pantsdown also used the opportunity to call, yet again, for the abolition of the One Nation Party and a Royal Commission into the organisation following revelations of bribery charges brought forward by several potential One Nation electoral candidates.  

She detailed how one member of the right wing party came to her in tears and told her of a $15,000 bribe, demanded to obtain pre-selection, confirming allegations of corruption which reach to the very top of the fascist organisation. This follows the resignation of 0055 National Socialist Dave from Manly Council before certain financial irregularities could be investigated. 

"No, the whole thing is wrong and it stinks, and I don't like it." Ms Pantsdown said.

Pauline Pantsdwom with a young caring potato 
 
keeping fit on the campaign 
 
 
 
 Pauline Pantsdown addresses and supports RESISTANCE
hundreds of thousands of caring potatos support Pauline Pantsdown
 
 
 
30 September 1997 - Pauline Pantsdown delivered another controversial speech this morning, still recovering from the celebrations of the previous day. 
Pauline Pantsdown returning from Brisbane 
"October the 3rd will be the biggest day in Astrayan political and party history. Remember this - the only way you will have good government is by having a good Sleaze Ball - something we have not had for some time, at least a year I think. I hope they play Neil Diamond 

"The true opposition to Pauline Hanson's One Nation's influence is not Pauline Pantsdown - it never was - it is you and your support - this is where the true opposition against them is. " 

"Let me tell you the fight to regain Queer Astraya has just begun." 

Pauline Pantsdown sat down to thunderous applause after receiving a bunch of flowers. 

Among the guests were a number of men wearing one of the Queer Astrayan symbols - the classic, but regulation length, Pauline Hanson pleated skirt. These, amongst other items of great interest were signed by Pauline Pantsdown.  

And this was just another day in the amazing political career of Astraya's Evita. 

Astrayas Evita
Journalists covering the campaign say Miss Pantsdown's party had promised to provide a good time for all Queer Astrayans this afternoon. 

At The Exchange Hotel's senior citizen centre, Pauline Pantsdown again told the partying faithful this erection would be a turning point for Australia. 

But her speech was soon overshadowed by yet another conflict with Pauline Hanson and One Nation. 

Pauline Hanson refused to explain why she and her badly made-up band of right wing fringe dwellers had not retracted the racial hatred contained in her policies. 

"We would ask you to leave peacefully, you are a racist on private property, I would ask you to leave, there is no point continuing on this sham, supposedly for the people of Astraya," Ms Pantsdown said. 

"One Nation will pay for its racist policies in the same fashion as Hitler and the Nationals but we will do that in fact in a slightly different fashion as we will be able to defeat you at the election."  

Ms Pantsdown then called the police to remove the right wing rabble from the party. 

A short time after they were removed eveyone left the hall peacefully to go to the disco. 

Pauline Pantsdown has declared the rest of her campaign to be One Nation free.

 
 
29 September 1998 - The ABC has won its appeal against a Supreme Court injunction and will allow youth network Triple-J to play Pauline Pantsdown's satirical song using the voice of Pauline Hanson. 

Pauline Pantsdown in Brisbane 
Queen and Chief Justice Paul De Jersey described the song I'm a back door man as a "cheap denegration, and we like it". 

He said these were "well founded imputations referring to the sexual preference of many members of Parliament." 

Queen De Jersey said there was no room for doubt that ordinary listeners would agree with some parts of the defamatory song. 

Earlier Pauline Pantsdown cried in court when the song was played and afterward said the decision was a relief. 

"I'm just so delighted that the appeal was accepted," Miss Pantsdown said. "I'm a backdoor man and I'm very proud of it." 

I'm a backdoor man,  I'm homosexual, I'm a backdoor man, yes I am, I'm very proud of it, I'm a backdoor man, I'm homosexual. Clean up our own backdoor.  We need to get behind, and we'll do trade with you  

"I was just very upset by trying to hide it for so long, and I'm just so pleased everyone knows. What I've called for is a homosexual government, yeah. Join us, be one of us come out, be one of us, yeah. I'm a backdoor man for the Ku Klux Klan with very horrendous plans. I'm a very caring potato.    

"What the message is, is that freedom of speech does not only extend to Mrs Hanson but allows other people the right tell the truth about her facist views. It is satire ,if people are hurt by satire, they should get out of the political game and leave it to the people who can justify their actions and their words and their policies." 

Both Ms Pantsdown and the judge were wearing wigs. 

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